What They DON'T Tell You About Having Multiples

It's funny. As a Mom expecting multiples, I read up on as much as I could about what life with multiples was going to be like. I found accounts of pregnancy's documented in blog-form on the Internet.

I scoured through the Triplet Connection website and forum and happily read all about which car seats would fit inside which car or minivan and in what ways. I even read all about reports of which stroller type would be best and easiest to drive.

What I didn't run across, however, was information or accounts about experiences mother's of higher order multiples would have with taking their babies out in public to try and achieve mundane every day life-tasks.

Nobody seems to feel it necessary to warn unsuspecting new mothers of exactly what lies ahead for them and their babies. They are all in to telling you about how to dress them, how to feed them, even how to be their advocate while the babies are in the hospital. Apparently, its an off limit's subject to warn them of a few minor yet very relevant points!

It would have made a nice bed-rest past-time to be able to sit and think of responses to all of those questions that well-meaning people are going to ask. It also might have helped prepare me for those not-so-well-meaning people's questions to which I sometimes find it difficult to respond nicely and politely.

It also might have been nice to have been forewarned that once the babies were ready to go on outings in their very large stroller, that people would automatically gravitate to it and sometimes even bump into it with their shopping carts in some attempt to get a look at the babies inside it.

Maybe a defensive-driving stroller class would be a good idea for all of us who really do not have a choice but to use the oversized, cumbersome and very hard to navigate higher order multiples strollers.

Then again, I suppose anger and stress management courses would also make a good supplement to the defensive-driving stroller class so that we know exactly how we should respond to those who insist on getting too close to our very susceptible babies, or those people who have less than stellar shopping cart driving records!

I mean, it's one thing getting mowed over by someone in Wal-mart or the grocery store as you innocently try and shop for your family. But to get mowed over by the same someone who is actually hitting the very cumbersome, very hard to navigate stroller containing your precious babies is quite another scenario altogether.

Especially when that person seems actually surprised that you aren't exactly happy with them running into you and even more surprised when you aren't exactly happy when they tell you that they only ran into you so that they could ask you about your babies because they have never seen higher order multiples before!

It's not as if that stroller can be quickly moved out of the way of the on-coming traffic! It just will not move sideways the way small strollers would. In fact I have tried dodging these carts before only to find that my stroller tends to tip over (luckily I caught it before it went too far.)

Then there is the problem of that oversized stroller not fitting into small places. Some people understand our plight and are kind about helping us get into those areas. Places such as elevators (no, escalators are NOT an option for us,) waiting or reception areas of some doctor's offices, and even the line at the grocery store are difficult for me to maneuver that stroller into.

Other people see our situation as one that can be helped, and that options exist such as my letting my babies walk instead of ride (only one of my babies can walk at 17 months) or buying a wagon and using that instead of my oversized stroller with restraints.

I was even told that I should put my children in some sort of mother's day out or leave them with a relative or at home with my son or husband while I run errands instead of hauling them around in their stroller. I just think that as a Mom, I should be able to run errands WITH my children in tow.

I know these suggestions are meant well, but I just do not understand why I cannot expect to be able to take my children with me and use my stroller to accomplish normal everyday tasks.

This country goes out of its way to establish handicapped regulations to ensure that handicapped people have the same access as those people who aren't, so why doesn't my stroller fit anywhere if it's not as wide as a wheelchair? It's a strange problem, yet so very true.

Something else nobody warns you about is that people honestly do not realize that what they say can be understood by the babies. People can and do often say the meanest, most derogatory things when they see higher order multiples. Don't get me wrong, not everyone is this way, but those who are really do, stand out.

As my kids grow older, they are able to respond more to the people who stop and talk to us. Its very difficult to smile and be nice to someone who looks at my children and says that they are sorry and that it's better me than them.

Especially when I know that my children are getting to the age where they can understand that this is a negative comment made about them. I used to try and explain everything to these sorts of people but quickly found that it was a lost cause trying to.

Another thing that most mom's of multiples are not warned about, is how people are going to expect you to stop what you are doing and talk to them about your babies even when your task is really very important.

I had a lady stop me in a parking lot last week in the 104 degree weather while I was loading my babies into the car and strike up a conversation with me about them. This same lady was also having another conversation on her cell phone with someone over the extreme heat and how hot it was outside in this particular parking lot.

I tried not to come across as rude as I hurriedly tried to get all three of my babies into their car seats and field this lady's questions about them as well. I would have loved to have started up the car while I loaded them into it, but I have this fear of someone stealing the car with the babies in it while I try and get everything loaded up.

Loading up the car is a huge task especially when I have been shopping at a place like Sam's or in this particular case I had just purchased a very large rug for our new house. Luckily, I am good at multi-tasking and had managed to field questions, re-arrange the trunk space enough to fit both the stroller and the rug and still be able to drive without fear of losing something, and get the babies inside.

The problem came when I went on and started the car only to find that the conversation about my babies hadn't ended yet. In fact, it seemed to be just starting and the babies were crying at this point over being hot and almost dinner time. I managed to make excuses and make my get-away, but in retrospect, this really wasn't the first time that something like this had happened.

I just do not understand why some folks just do not understand that babies get hot and hungry just like adults do. It's even harder to convey this to people who do not understand why the babies are crying while they are trying say how cute they are...

Who knows, maybe one day I will make it official and try and make enough time to crank out a book about all the things mother's of multiples really need to know but most are afraid to tell them complete with seminars and how-to classes. 'Til then, I will just have to try and spread the word through my blog!