Oh the Things People Say and Do…
As a triplet mom, I hear all sorts of things being said both to us as a family and about us as we go about our daily lives. People always are surprised to see me out shopping with my baby’s or going to the doctor by ourselves. I know we must be quite a site to see. Our stroller seats three, one behind the other and has foot rests for each baby. It is very, very long. So long, that I call it our limo. It doesn’t drive well for a stroller; however strollers rarely do drive well. Complete with our diaper bag and bottle bags for three and my purse and adorned with three sippy cups hung over the sides of each compartment, we must appear quite a site. We stop traffic, that’s for certain. Whether it is grocery shopping at Brookshire’s for our 97 cans of formula or shopping at Sam’s for our case of diapers and wipes, you can be assured of seeing quite a spectacle when I push that limo sized stroller loaded full of baby’s and pull that shopping cart.
People react in many different ways. Some just stare at us, while others will talk about us as if we can’t hear them. Then there are those who will stop us and ask questions. I don’t mind talking to people about my baby’s. It doesn’t bother me if they are pleasant and kind. Some people ask about the baby’s names. Other’s ask their birth weight, or if I was on fertility when they were conceived, and the usual “How old are they” and “How much did they weigh when they were born?” I don’t mind the general questions, but the fertility question is really much too personal and really border-line rude. It’s almost like asking if a man is that baby’s father or if that baby is adopted. Then there are the people who just make comments. I like to think that they are just awkward and don’t know what to say. I really hope that’s the case. These types of people say things like, “Better you than me,” or “Triplets?” Then there is,”I’m sorry.” I can tell you right off that I am not sorry in the least. These are my children, folks, not lesions caused by a plague, and let me tell you, it is NOT catchy! Another thing people will say is, “You’re hands must be full.” To this, I always reply, “Very happily full!” Then there is the old, “You must have a lot of help.” Actually, I don’t, something that appears to shock most people, including other mother’s who have multiples. I always figured that I didn’t deserve my triplets if I couldn’t take care of them myself. I would like to be one of those moms you see out with their mother’s or mother-in-law, however I am not that mom. My mother died the month before my 12 year old was born and both of my grandmother’s died the next year. My mother-in-law died when Bregon was three. I do have a sort of step-mother-in-law for lack of a better term. However, she lives 45 minutes away and has many, many other grandchildren of her own that she also must be grandmumsy to. I don’t mind not having help, but it does sadden me when people assume that I must have some or actually look at me as if there is something wrong with me for doing this all by myself. I hope that they mean well, but sometimes I get the idea that they do not.
It’s really hard to stop and be nice to all of these people and still remember what it is that I was out to buy in the first place, or where it was exactly that I was headed before they stopped me. I do try very hard to be pleasant and smile and at least try and answer some of their questions as nicely as I can muster, even though it’s most difficult when the children are sad, hungry, or crying and need my attention. It seems that someone always wants to talk when I need to be helping my baby’s. The strangest person I have come across while shopping actually sped up her walking in the grocery store to physically block me from turning down an aisle that I was in the process of heading down. She literally swung her cart around and blocked the end of the aisle with her buggy and jumped in front of it, heels clicking on the floor and all, just to stop me and strike up a conversation about my triplets. I was just as surprised as the ladies who had also been trying to exit that particular aisle and who were blocked by the same person! She actually said that she figured I wouldn’t talk to her if she didn’t block me like that. I told her that in the future it would be pleasant to try giving me the benefit of the doubt. I get all sorts of strange reactions from people while out and about. I try to learn from what they say and do, though. I really have learned to stop and think before I say something to someone about their newborn or baby. I know I may mean well, but I now know that what I say may not be taken the way it is meant!
People react in many different ways. Some just stare at us, while others will talk about us as if we can’t hear them. Then there are those who will stop us and ask questions. I don’t mind talking to people about my baby’s. It doesn’t bother me if they are pleasant and kind. Some people ask about the baby’s names. Other’s ask their birth weight, or if I was on fertility when they were conceived, and the usual “How old are they” and “How much did they weigh when they were born?” I don’t mind the general questions, but the fertility question is really much too personal and really border-line rude. It’s almost like asking if a man is that baby’s father or if that baby is adopted. Then there are the people who just make comments. I like to think that they are just awkward and don’t know what to say. I really hope that’s the case. These types of people say things like, “Better you than me,” or “Triplets?” Then there is,”I’m sorry.” I can tell you right off that I am not sorry in the least. These are my children, folks, not lesions caused by a plague, and let me tell you, it is NOT catchy! Another thing people will say is, “You’re hands must be full.” To this, I always reply, “Very happily full!” Then there is the old, “You must have a lot of help.” Actually, I don’t, something that appears to shock most people, including other mother’s who have multiples. I always figured that I didn’t deserve my triplets if I couldn’t take care of them myself. I would like to be one of those moms you see out with their mother’s or mother-in-law, however I am not that mom. My mother died the month before my 12 year old was born and both of my grandmother’s died the next year. My mother-in-law died when Bregon was three. I do have a sort of step-mother-in-law for lack of a better term. However, she lives 45 minutes away and has many, many other grandchildren of her own that she also must be grandmumsy to. I don’t mind not having help, but it does sadden me when people assume that I must have some or actually look at me as if there is something wrong with me for doing this all by myself. I hope that they mean well, but sometimes I get the idea that they do not.
It’s really hard to stop and be nice to all of these people and still remember what it is that I was out to buy in the first place, or where it was exactly that I was headed before they stopped me. I do try very hard to be pleasant and smile and at least try and answer some of their questions as nicely as I can muster, even though it’s most difficult when the children are sad, hungry, or crying and need my attention. It seems that someone always wants to talk when I need to be helping my baby’s. The strangest person I have come across while shopping actually sped up her walking in the grocery store to physically block me from turning down an aisle that I was in the process of heading down. She literally swung her cart around and blocked the end of the aisle with her buggy and jumped in front of it, heels clicking on the floor and all, just to stop me and strike up a conversation about my triplets. I was just as surprised as the ladies who had also been trying to exit that particular aisle and who were blocked by the same person! She actually said that she figured I wouldn’t talk to her if she didn’t block me like that. I told her that in the future it would be pleasant to try giving me the benefit of the doubt. I get all sorts of strange reactions from people while out and about. I try to learn from what they say and do, though. I really have learned to stop and think before I say something to someone about their newborn or baby. I know I may mean well, but I now know that what I say may not be taken the way it is meant!
posted by Mimi Rankin Webb at 5:05 PM
Mimi is the mother of four: a 12 1/2-year-old boy and 1-year-old triplets (two boys and one girl). She is very happily busy taking care of everyone, whether it's the triplets' multiple doctor appointments, attempting a shopping excursion or volunteering to plan her son's school renaissance festival.
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