Those Less Fortunate

As you probably already have already realized, as a triplet family, my husband, son and I are seasoned NICU vets. We pretty much knew from the moment that we were given the news that we were expecting triplets that they would be in the NICU instead of the normal nursery after their birth.

Nothing can really prepare you for what it’s like, having to see your three very tiny babies hooked up to all those wires and IV’s and even the ventilators (which I pretty much missed because I myself ended up spending nearly two full days in recovery after having failed anesthesia 101.)

Over all, my family handled the entire experience rather well. We had watched those Discovery Health Channel programs as a family, where the babies all were born early and had various problems that resulted in NICU treatments, all of which were caught on camera somehow.

Even my 11 year old (at the time) seemed fairly prepared to see his tiny siblings hooked up to scary machines that make them seem more like tiny aliens than the ultra-sound pictures had made them out to be. We even found some humor in the idea that when one of the boys managed to blow his IV’s and had to have his re-inserted into a vein in his tiny head, the other one appeared jealous and managed to get a really cool cone hat just like his brother’s the VERY next day.

This rivalry would extend to such accessories as the little foam stick-on sunglasses that you get when given a day to sun yourself under the jaundice lamps, and even to the icky nasty barium bottle that Kai appeared to think of as getting extra grocery’s for the day and a cool ride in his own warm blankie-ladden chariot down to have his photo taken in radiology which resulted in both boys getting diagnosed officially with reflux. They even tried to have heart murmurs after three weeks just so they could get the same extra meds that sister was getting. That rivalry exists even to this very day.

In order to juggle life with a graduating fifth-grader, a husband who had to work, my recovering from my very large very yet necessary c-section and three tiny babies who needed a cheering squad and family support, we would have to make some adjustments. We didn’t mind making them, mind you, it’s just that nobody can explain to you exactly what it is you are preparing for prior to having to just do it!

Each day, I would be up and dressed and head to the hospital for the first feeding that I could make which usually ended up being the 9 and later 10 o’clock feeding, after seeing my husband and son off for their day. I would make as many feedings as I could each day, making sure to hold them each for a while so they could have one on one mommy time. I would stay until it was time to pick up my son from school, then we would return for the 6 o’clock feeding with my son and husband along so that the babies could have some daddy and brother time too!

My babies were each very lucky. They thrived and grew and were home before their first month birthday arrived- just barely, but home all the same with little problem. Sure they had reflux meds and Vivie had a small heart-murmur, but it closed on its own and everything went smoothly from there.

It would be October, during the Revel, that I would make an unusual discovery. It’s an issue that nobody really ever thinks much about, but is a very sad one none the less. I was taking my kids to have lunch at the Revel and listen to our favorite band, Trout Fishing in America, when we were stopped by a lady who was pushing a twin stroller.

Being stopped in public isn’t all that unusual for us, in fact it’s quite the norm. But this time was a little bit different. This lady wasn’t the actual mother of the twin toddler’s she was pushing in that stroller. She is a foster mom who specializes in preemies and multiples who are given up for whatever reason by their families for adoption.

During the course of our conversation, her phone rang and she excused herself to answer it. I would find out after she ended the call, that it was the social worker from the hospital calling to see if she was available to foster three tiny triplets, born to a teen mother at only 23 weeks and left in the NICU to their own devices. The truly sad part, was that this lady had been forced to turn down the offer because she already was fostering twins and another child as well.

I really wanted to help. I know that, much like the lady from the Revel that day, I have my own very full house right now. I just cannot help myself when I find myself tearing up over the whole thing. After all, one of the first things that I learned about babies born prematurely, especially micro-preemies like those triplets were, is that they draw their strength from their mommies being there with them.

Its part of the premise behind the whole kangaroo care treatments and the reason so many micro-preemies make it through the NICU and grow up to be healthy babies. I just can’t imagine anyone abandoning their very tiny children like that on the assumption that there is someone out there who will step in as a foster parent and be there for them as an advocate of their care and as support for their tiny growing bodies.

From speaking with this lady, I learned that there are really very few people willing to take on the work involved in caring for a premature baby that is still in the NICU, much less anyone willing to care for multiples. Multiples rely on each other for comfort and self-soothing as very tiny babies. The thought of what might happen if they were to be split up is a very sad one.

Today, as I was lurking on the preemie forum for Preemie Magazine, I ran across a thread that involved a very select few people in the world, people who were actively fostering and trying to adopt children left by their families in the NICU. It gave me a little hope that there are people out there willing to care for these special babies. Unfortunately, they appear to be very few in number.

In today’s world, most people aren’t looking to adopt a special needs or high medical maintenance child or children, unaware that many of these children would qualify for Medicaid to cover medical expenses. Instead, they are turning to other alternatives in the adoption world. Don’t get me wrong, I am not saying everyone should only adopt these children. Adoption is a very personal choice for anyone considering it.

I often wonder what ever became of those tiny triplets left in the NICU to their own devices. I can only hope that someone out there was available to step in and give them a chance.

My husband and I have talked about it at length about it, and have decided that once our own kids are grown, we are going to try fostering preemies and multiples. I challenge others out there who are looking to be foster parents or adopt to look into this growing problem and explore this issue further and see if it is right for your family.