Those Less Fortunate

As you probably already have already realized, as a triplet family, my husband, son and I are seasoned NICU vets. We pretty much knew from the moment that we were given the news that we were expecting triplets that they would be in the NICU instead of the normal nursery after their birth.

Nothing can really prepare you for what it’s like, having to see your three very tiny babies hooked up to all those wires and IV’s and even the ventilators (which I pretty much missed because I myself ended up spending nearly two full days in recovery after having failed anesthesia 101.)

Over all, my family handled the entire experience rather well. We had watched those Discovery Health Channel programs as a family, where the babies all were born early and had various problems that resulted in NICU treatments, all of which were caught on camera somehow.

Even my 11 year old (at the time) seemed fairly prepared to see his tiny siblings hooked up to scary machines that make them seem more like tiny aliens than the ultra-sound pictures had made them out to be. We even found some humor in the idea that when one of the boys managed to blow his IV’s and had to have his re-inserted into a vein in his tiny head, the other one appeared jealous and managed to get a really cool cone hat just like his brother’s the VERY next day.

This rivalry would extend to such accessories as the little foam stick-on sunglasses that you get when given a day to sun yourself under the jaundice lamps, and even to the icky nasty barium bottle that Kai appeared to think of as getting extra grocery’s for the day and a cool ride in his own warm blankie-ladden chariot down to have his photo taken in radiology which resulted in both boys getting diagnosed officially with reflux. They even tried to have heart murmurs after three weeks just so they could get the same extra meds that sister was getting. That rivalry exists even to this very day.

In order to juggle life with a graduating fifth-grader, a husband who had to work, my recovering from my very large very yet necessary c-section and three tiny babies who needed a cheering squad and family support, we would have to make some adjustments. We didn’t mind making them, mind you, it’s just that nobody can explain to you exactly what it is you are preparing for prior to having to just do it!

Each day, I would be up and dressed and head to the hospital for the first feeding that I could make which usually ended up being the 9 and later 10 o’clock feeding, after seeing my husband and son off for their day. I would make as many feedings as I could each day, making sure to hold them each for a while so they could have one on one mommy time. I would stay until it was time to pick up my son from school, then we would return for the 6 o’clock feeding with my son and husband along so that the babies could have some daddy and brother time too!

My babies were each very lucky. They thrived and grew and were home before their first month birthday arrived- just barely, but home all the same with little problem. Sure they had reflux meds and Vivie had a small heart-murmur, but it closed on its own and everything went smoothly from there.

It would be October, during the Revel, that I would make an unusual discovery. It’s an issue that nobody really ever thinks much about, but is a very sad one none the less. I was taking my kids to have lunch at the Revel and listen to our favorite band, Trout Fishing in America, when we were stopped by a lady who was pushing a twin stroller.

Being stopped in public isn’t all that unusual for us, in fact it’s quite the norm. But this time was a little bit different. This lady wasn’t the actual mother of the twin toddler’s she was pushing in that stroller. She is a foster mom who specializes in preemies and multiples who are given up for whatever reason by their families for adoption.

During the course of our conversation, her phone rang and she excused herself to answer it. I would find out after she ended the call, that it was the social worker from the hospital calling to see if she was available to foster three tiny triplets, born to a teen mother at only 23 weeks and left in the NICU to their own devices. The truly sad part, was that this lady had been forced to turn down the offer because she already was fostering twins and another child as well.

I really wanted to help. I know that, much like the lady from the Revel that day, I have my own very full house right now. I just cannot help myself when I find myself tearing up over the whole thing. After all, one of the first things that I learned about babies born prematurely, especially micro-preemies like those triplets were, is that they draw their strength from their mommies being there with them.

Its part of the premise behind the whole kangaroo care treatments and the reason so many micro-preemies make it through the NICU and grow up to be healthy babies. I just can’t imagine anyone abandoning their very tiny children like that on the assumption that there is someone out there who will step in as a foster parent and be there for them as an advocate of their care and as support for their tiny growing bodies.

From speaking with this lady, I learned that there are really very few people willing to take on the work involved in caring for a premature baby that is still in the NICU, much less anyone willing to care for multiples. Multiples rely on each other for comfort and self-soothing as very tiny babies. The thought of what might happen if they were to be split up is a very sad one.

Today, as I was lurking on the preemie forum for Preemie Magazine, I ran across a thread that involved a very select few people in the world, people who were actively fostering and trying to adopt children left by their families in the NICU. It gave me a little hope that there are people out there willing to care for these special babies. Unfortunately, they appear to be very few in number.

In today’s world, most people aren’t looking to adopt a special needs or high medical maintenance child or children, unaware that many of these children would qualify for Medicaid to cover medical expenses. Instead, they are turning to other alternatives in the adoption world. Don’t get me wrong, I am not saying everyone should only adopt these children. Adoption is a very personal choice for anyone considering it.

I often wonder what ever became of those tiny triplets left in the NICU to their own devices. I can only hope that someone out there was available to step in and give them a chance.

My husband and I have talked about it at length about it, and have decided that once our own kids are grown, we are going to try fostering preemies and multiples. I challenge others out there who are looking to be foster parents or adopt to look into this growing problem and explore this issue further and see if it is right for your family.

Dining Dilemma

Today is my trio’s fifteenth month birth date. They are good little babies and drink only from their sippy cups and eat in their feeding chairs like real toddlers (even if they can’t quite toddle just yet!) They drink whole milk instead of formula and eat real table foods.

That’s the problem, really. They are old enough to eat real table food, not the pureed variety that comes in a jar or little plastic container. In fact, they have stopped eating anything that remotely resembles baby food. If it’s soupy or mushy, they won’t eat it.

Also, they have apparently made some uniform decision not to eat anything that they cannot pick up all by themselves. I know this should be a phase and all, but we are going on three weeks of this.

All they seem to want to eat is chicken tenders or ham chopped into tiny bite-sized pieces. They will eat cheese cubes and those little individually packaged servings of veggies from Wal-mart. Unfortunately, that’s about all they will eat.

I have tried chopping up fresh fruit, giving them fruit cups, or even applesauce. Their final verdict on that is that the fruit is much too slimy to be any good, and the applesauce is much to much like baby food.

I have tried being creative by giving them those Gerber Graduates dinners, but those mostly require spoon feeding, which they aren’t really all that great at yet, and they refuse to let me spoon-feed them, no matter how much they seem to like what is on that spoon.

I have also tried Hormel, Chef Boyardee, and various other little supposed kid-friendly dinners to no avail. They only want something that they can pick up themselves.

I know that nobody ever starved by eating like this. After all, I should just be very grateful that they aren’t only eating something awful like French fries or Twinkies (I guess it’s only because I don’t buy them!) But when will this end?

I really hesitate to give them a spoon of their own to fill with something messy as my house is so very tiny that we are forced to feed them in the living room on the carpet. For now, they do get spoons and tiny forks with each meal to learn to use them (which seems to be working.) Eventually, I will get brave enough to try something a bit more adventurous.

I suppose we shall soon see how their newly preferred eating habits are affecting their weight once we get to our doctor’s appointment. Maybe she will just be so very glad that we kicked our bottle habits that she will overlook our dining delimma!

The Most Helpful Resources According to Me!

I quickly found out that there are very few helpful resources out there for mothers who are pregnant with multiples and even for those same mother’s after delivery. Locally, the multiples support groups are pretty much dissolved due to lack of interest.

I scoured the web looking for contact information on anything in my area and came up with only dead-ends save for the one lady who was kind enough to at least let me know that the chapter she had headed had been dissolved due to lack of membership interest.

I did run across several television programs on the Discovery Channel that were very helpful. I had quickly realized through my research online that no two multiples pregnancies are alike, hence the lack of consistent information. I did find that watching these programs about other women experiencing complications of every imaginable combination did help me learn what to watch for with my own body. Ironically, I never did run across one show or website account that came even close to my own experience with my pregnancy and my triplet’s birth.

I had been one of those mother’s who had planned on working until I was physically unable to work anymore, however being pregnant with multiples resulted in my body appearing near full-term pregnant by the time I was required by my physician to take my leave at five months due to mandatory bed rest orders. This meant that I felt as if I was almost full term as well!

I did learn a valuable lesson when it came time to take my maternity leave from my job of nearly six years. It would appear that very few employers understand anything surrounding leave taking or even have any type of policies in place involving multiple/extremely high-risk pregnancies. They weren’t prepared for me to have to limit my physical activity so very soon nor were they prepared for me to have to wear my maternity clothing as earlier than most expectant mothers. You need to be very careful and document everything when initiating your maternity leave because of this!

While on bed rest, I found several websites that had some helpful information. One is for "Preemie Magazine" http://www.preemiemagazine.com/ which provides information for anyone who is having or has a preemie. It has information on what to expect during your NICU stay and how to manage your child’s healthcare and be your child’s advocate while in the hospital. It also has a forum where preemie issues are discussed and people can talk about what they have gone through and get support and information not normally discussed elsewhere as most people find the subject matter taboo.

Another invaluable site for mothers having or who have had multiples is "The Triplet Connection" http://www.tripletconnection.org/. This site of course is primarily for people with triplets but also allocates for twins as well as higher order multiples. Here I found all sorts of helpful things on life with my multiples and I was able to plan everything based on the advice of people who had been where I was and were where I was headed! You can also meet people who are selling triplet equipment which isn’t something that can be bought at the corner store! I found it a wonderful starting place for me and I still refer to it and browse their forum every so often.

Of course, your doctor will be able to give you some information, however they won’t be able to give you advice on feeding or clothing or even differentiating between your multiples! All you can really do is read as much as you can and talk to as many moms like you as you can find and try to be creative!

I have to say, even with all of these resources, nothing could have prepared me for what happened after I checked into the labor and delivery unit at my hospital. But the information and research did help me stay focused on my goals which was recovering from my delivery as fast and as best as I could so that I could work towards getting my children home and starting our new life together as a family!