When Teeth Fly...

Somebody...ANYBODY...Remind me to PLEASE never to so much as even THINK the phrase, "What do YOU do for an encore?" ever again... Tonight?...After the fiasco of the morning with doctor visit for 3 escapades (see prior posts on my wall for more details than anyone wants to know...) Kaiden's newly discovered loose tooth decided it was time to come out... right NOW... Kaiden had other ideas... IE he wanted his dinner NOW...sooo...After he spent the afternoon wriggling it, he got over-enthused, and...just as I sat dinner on the table, he turned it...all the way around-BACKWARDS!!! Because he figured out it felt funny/popped I dunno what he was actually thinking/feeling/realized at that moment... BUT what I DO know is it got stuck...totally backwards stuck... as in turned around...sticking out and at an angle because it should be curving under & back not out & up... But we didn't know at that moment, literally we had no idea, because he proceeded to freak out on me...like nothing I'd ever seen before freak out... Convulsing, screaming,crying, "Ouchie," "Don't touch me," "S***t!" And it lasted the better part of an hour...one very VERY lengthy hour. I'd calm him down & it would start all over again...I hauled out the baby orajel, put it on a toothbrush even. He wouldn't let it near his mouth no matter who held it, us or him...& there are 5 of us who offered(yep nothin scarier than your six yr old siblings say "I'll do it!")... We did this at the dining room table over dinner. We did this sitting on the kitchen counter perched precariously near the edge as he rocked and shook and trembled... We did this in my bed which is normally his safe place, his calm-down place. We did this with a lollipop...Yeppers, I coaxed him into thinking a lollipop may do the trick...& it nearly did! I told him he needed to "fix" his tooth by turning it back around & setting it right again which made since...and he did exactly this...twice... I shit you not, the poor child turned his front tooth completely 'round twice & STILL it did not come out! It would not, COULD not come out. That lollipop only made him hungrier, which only made him scream even more & shake & rock & cry and apologize...he apologized for not being able to pull his own tooth because it hurt...can you imagine how that made me feel? He laid back on the pillow in a fit of utter defeat & was still all of the 2 seconds I needed to stick the orajel-covered toothbrush into his mouth to try & at least numb it again (I could see the blood pooling at the top of his gum-remember we aren't coagulating today folks, most likely due to our fine new migraine medication yet we still have those too...) AND would you know it, 2 seconds is all it took...that & a toothbrush that I would SWEAR never even touched that toouth...BUTthe damn thing popped out. FINALLY, after an hour of this torture...there was this huge gaping gratifying hole...Wait a minute...a hole & no tooth... Yes, he damn near swallowed it but somehow the Tooth Fairy took pity upon us & he managed not to... Wouldn't ya know it, with a resounding, typical, "AAAAHHHHH that's better!" He cleaned himself up, and went to eat his dinner. Only he ate a bit too fast... I had been so relieved that the damned tooth was out, that I had completely forgotten the virus all 3 of the trio have & his earlier fever that he was carefully working on...so yeah...he finally got his dinner...then promptly spewed it across the dining room floor, all over his shoes and then again very nearly into my hair when I tried to help him with the offending shoe (we cannot be dirty.) Yeah...after all that he tops the evening off with a good spew...the dining room floor is very clean & now...now I need my own very large bottle of wine please...The big BIG jug..no glass needed...& I think its BEDTIME FOR BABIES now...tune in next time...I'm sure there will be more...there is always more, but alas Scarlet, "Tomorrow is another day."