Virus for Three

Oh yes, who ordered the virus? Virus for three?? Anyone??? ANYONE???? I s'pose that would be me...I'm terrified for the holidays after last year. Last year, we managed to stay sick the entire month of December, topping it off with the Norwalk flu...which loosely translated means STOMACH VIRUS!!! Yesterday, Kian managed to pull off an impressive fever of 101.9, four hours into a rawther hefty dose of motrin. We're talking full body fever, emanating heat from his little fleece super mario pj's fever... And today, he started off his morning with a good spew...then promptly crawled back up the ladder into his bunk and went back to sleep. His fever was gone by the time we got to the Doctor's office...they tried to work us in for 9:15 by phone, but I told them hey, I'm about 5 minutes down the street, I'll be right in and we'll be HAPPY to wait. By the time we got there, they had bumped us to 9:45, but when they saw Kaiden toting that bucket (he left a HUGE impression last year with same said bucket) we suddenly had the 8:30 slot, imagine that! So, it's 8am and I have all 3 6yr olds seated in a row, i-products in hand, calmly prompting Kaiden's expletives that were in answer to his not mastering his latest level of "Bad Piggies" while sticking in the idea that we are at the doctor's office where they will be expected to have labwork done which means FINGER PRICK (in 6yr old-ese this translates to TORTURE and should be punishable by law) when the Beautiful Baby Vivienne manages to remember where she is and that there is a need for demonstrating her lovely little cough of epic proportions (she is usually a steroid-girl or it will be pneumonia for Christmas instead of her 2 front teeth she soo desperately needs!) As it turns out, she apparently has never coughed up anything as digusting or shocking as she managed to do today...and she had to voice her disdain LOUDLY for the entire office to hear & what a description of green goo this was, too...she is my child after-all...an artist AND a promising writer! Keep in mind this green goo commentary is in addition to my "What to expect when they call your names" & to her brother's shocking sailor mouth gleaned from what I call "Echolalia of the Playground" which sounds a lot better than some bully whispered it to him & it left such a huge impression he recorded in his brain & has it on auto-pilot for an as-needed-use/standbye...so the office full of other sick children is already aghast over his language which I honestly can do NOTHING about because this is just ONE of his Autism Super Powers (don't believe me? look it up E*C*H*O*L*A*L*I*A ...it's there, no joke!) Soo...we finally get called back...and we have an embaressing number of staff assigned to us as we are a group of 3 6yr olds that resemble a sideshow of days gone by...or maybe not in my case...but if only I had a buck for every person staring we could have bought ourselves lunch on the way home...but I digress...we took somebody who happened to be late's slot & it was obvious by this time, too...so we were getting eyeballed...a LOT! Back in the back it was the usual routine of strip off the coats jackets & empty your pockets (yes Kian requires a good frisking as he is a hoarder & we know he only weighs about the same as most toddlers anyways so he is easily caught with heavy stuff squirreled away) & lets weigh and see how much we've grown so that we can plan our next trip to Disney World (ride height is very important to us as we want to ride Rock-n-Roller-Coaster and the Dinosaur Decapitation Express, no joke-we are about 2-3inches away from that.) We get our usual room-the biggest one...we HAVE to have this room because its the only one that we will fit into and still have room for the poor Doctor to breath...my nurse from when I was little is sitting behind the counter (she works for the OTHER doctor but she still is amused since she's known me since she was just out of school) she laughs at us...& for once, I get it... I try to slow down as I give the poor nurse all the symptoms & try & keep the kids straight & keep her straight too because both baby boys have "K" names...& I warned her they all have the same thing, just wear it differently...but of course this CAN'T be easy...can it? Kian is fever-boy, Kaiden was migraine, pink eye & vomit-boy last week, & Vivienne is appalled at the way her PT Tubes are working by draining into her hair while she sleeps oh & she has this "cough cough" as she gives me sound effects so I dont have to actually say the word "Cough." JOY! It's off to the lab we go...singing "Following the Leader" from Peter Pan to try & ease Kaiden's obviously growing anxiety...it's obvious because not only had he began to cuss more in the lobby (think Tourette's) but he is obviously stimming at this point-he even flaps...he NEVER flaps in public where anyone can see him (yes he is self-conscious about this stuff)and he is making kitty impersonation attempts as we walk...not a good sign... When we get there, he plants himself on the bench & screams, "NOT ME" as the poor lady ask's "Who's first?" Poor Baby Vivienne gets volunteered as I let them know we need to numb them...ALL of them... Vivienne cries prettily but manages to survive the horrendous injustice of having her finger pricked after being numbed. She was soo pleased with her bandaid she forgot to nab the stickers... Kian went next and was the saddest buddy ever til he laughed at her for it not hurting... Kaiden...well Kaiden kicked her...and then hit her for good measure...but they were soo busy laughing at his expletives that he felt the need to say when he heard the clicking noise that they forgot to react too... We went back to our room, visited with the Doctor, only to discover that there was something funky with Kaiden's blood platelet levels...they were unusually abnormally LOW...this couldn't be right, soo let's do MORE BLOODWORK! Yes, today Doctor couldn't help but notice that Kaiden obviously has Autism...score one for the Doctor who really doesn't want anything to be wrong with my kids (which is sweet) BUT fact is, he has it and today he was flapping, repeating everything said & acting the roll of a kitty cat, and had already cussed out the lab and kicked & hit several of them to boot...I'm sure they will be soo excited to see us back for more. I had to carry him like a toddler down there-he didn't kick and scream, he just wasn't going to go of his own accord, that's all. They just stared at me when I gave them the slip in the lab with the new orders on it...I sat down with him and restrained his legs so he couldn't kick them and everyone else fell into place helping out with the other limbs...we got the blood work done & he was happy to steal stickers out of the sticker bin this time since he had quite forgotten to earlier...hooray. I had to carry him back to the room which made him taller than I am (which I realize isn't saying much, but there is a method to this madness) he put his arms up in the air and began saying "Wheeee...WHEEEE!!!" just like the piggy with a pinwheel on the insurance commercial...he was frolicking in the snowflake Christmas decorations which hang from the hallway ceiling...and he did this for the entire long walk down the hallway, around the corner, down the other hallway and around the other corner past all the offices and back to our green room...it was very festive yet surreal. All this to discover that,HEY, the first labs were right, his platelet count is unnaturally LOW...Doctor couldn't tell me what it really meant yet, and wants us to come back again tomorrow to frolic in the snowflakes again and visit our poor black & blue friends in the lab who I'm sure will be very happy to see us...outwardly...and I don't blame them one bit. Soo...it's been an interesting day...a virus three ways...kinda like takeout but different!