Feeling Guilty

Posted by Vulnadia on Dec 27, 2008 at 11:05 AM Okay, so we somehow survived Christmas, but just barely. Now I feel awfully guilty and I don't think I should be feeling this way, somehow! This year, my father was too lazy to clean up his own house and have Christmas at his house (basically this was all self-professed, I am not being mean or catty or ugly) and he decided all holidays should occur at my house, which would have been great, or so I thought. The problems began a week ago, after the 3 weeks I had spent trying to lock down a definate answer as to if we really were going to have Christmas dinner at my house, then what do I need to provide (he is picky and likes to make things himself for some reason or another.) I finally got him to say, yes, let's do this at your house and I will bring the broccoli and stuffing bit. I was happy that I finally knew what was going on in the world, or so I had thought. I went out and bought the $200 worth of groceries we would need to pull off Christmas dinner, and speed-made my green beans & squash and sweet potatos on Monday so that all I would have to do is toss it in the oven when the time came. I thought I was doing well until Christmas Eve, when I realized he had never set a time for when he was going to come over for dinner the next day. So, I started trying to get in touch with him to find out when to expect he and the kids and sister. He didn't answer his phone. I tried his cell phone, and the other business phone, and I didn't get any answer at all. I couldn't track him down, and he never returned my calls! Okay, so every year he always calls to say," Merry Christmas" even if I will see him in a few hours, so I figured the same thing would happen the next morning. Christmas Eve, I spent the early part of the evening cleaning and sanitizing the vintage toys for the kids, and then Bregon and I did Elven work and finished re-doing my dollie cradle from when I was 2 so that Vivienne would have a beautiful place for her new baby to sleep. About midnight, Husband and I began to finish wrapping presents and putting the final touches on the vintage toys (some of which had to be taken apart and redone like the kitchen set required new wallpaper.) We finally crawled into bed about 4:30 in the morning, setting our alarm early enough to put the turkey on in time for a decent lunch-time, and to get the babies up to have Christmas. Yes, we know this is probably the last year we have to have the luxury, but we relished every minute of it! Christmas morning went wonderfully, with the babies all playing with their toys and trying to have their breakfast amidst all of the excitement. I managed to somehow get dressed in between all of the little breaks we had to take for the kids to enjoy a freshly unwrapped & put together toy, all the while wondering about my Dad and his plans. It took us nearly three hours to get the babies toys unwraped and Bregon's too. We had just finally started being able to exchange our presents between Husband and I when the doorbell rang. My father never had called, he just decided to show up whenever. We didn't even get to finish our Christmas and they were invading the house wanting their lunch (or that's how it felt!) My nephew decided to unwrap some of my presents while I was trying to get all of the food that my father had brought over situated and heated. Next, he set about systematically breaking my babies toys. I know it sounds funny, but this child was seriously working his way through everything. He insisted upon driving Vivienne's grocery cart over Kaiden & Kian's carefully arranged choo-choo train yard. My father thought it was funny that he was doing all of this and just laughed at him. Everyone got mad when I told him that he couldn't play with the grocery cart right now because there wasn't enough room to do so without breaking everything that the babies were playing with. I somehow managed to get dinner on the table and served while getting my own children fed (they had to have chicken and french fries as usual then go upstairs for their nap.) I even had to literally drag my niece and nephew out of my babies room so that they could go to sleep. They had planned on staying upstairs and going through their bedroom toys instead of letting them sleep! I don't know how we survived the couple of hours that they were all over here, I really don't. My husband spent most of what should have been lunch time, trying to put the broken toys back together again so we wouldn't have to throw them away. Somehow he managed to fix nearly everything. I just found it odd that nobody wanted to discipline the younger two kids except me. I know it was Christmas and all, but why should I have to sit back and let them run rampant through my house and break my kids new toys? I feel all sorts of guilty because I was extremely glad when they left to go home. We didn't even get to open presents because of all the chaos caused by the younger two kids. I did manage to remember to send my father's gifts home with him, as well as my grandfather's (who apparently is too overwhelmed by the enormity of my three toddlers coupled with their cousins to come over to see us.) I just do not feel right about any of it, and it makes me feel guilty to feel like this. I really do not know what to do, or where it all went wrong. I mean, I know it takes us a long time to open presents, I have three 2 year olds of all things, so of course it does! But, I feel like my Daddy should have called first, or at least had the courtesy let me set a time for everything to happen! It really bothers me to have felt this awful about how things went. I mean, lunch was okay, I guess, but it felt like I was having to rush and serve someone like a restaurant or something, not like a family dinner! At my house, things happen when they happen! If there isn't time for something, you stop and make the time happen if you need it. You kind of have to do that when you have triplets!!!! I just wish my family would be more undertanding of us in that respect! My poor husband spent the rest of Christmas trying to make that bad feeling go away and make everything back to fun and relaxing and nice. Husband really did do a good job, it's just that I feel awfully guilty feeling this way about what little tiny bit of family that I have! reply am so glad i'm not the only one who feels funny about these sorts of situations- i mean, i really felt like i was a waiter at some sort of restaurant- actually i think they treat their waiters at superior nicer...it was just weird- & this is MY daddy is the saddest part - i just feel like we got invaded & used - then his girlfriend came by after having dinner with her family & my daddy just up & left- it was not even 5 minutes later after she got there, too-she did this at thanksgiving to us as well, so i suspected it would happen again... there wasn't any regard for us- it felt as if nothing mattered except them getting their lunch- husband was so cute trying to salvage christmas & keep his temper & was very creative in finding ways to make all the odd feelings go away- (it involved a bottle of wine & a nice fire in the fireplace & such) then the lovely day after where we got to play with the kids and relax like normal people (figuratively speaking that is!) we had such a nice time, i wanted to call my inlaws & invite them over for pie & coffee so they could play with my kids, too- but i havent yet- am not going to push my luck!!!! ~mimi