Teen Sleepover Etiquette

Posted by Vulnadia on Jan 12, 2010 at 07:37 AM Okay, maybe i'm antiquated, maybe i'm behind the times. I sure am starting to feel this way anyways! I'm not that old! I never really thought that I would run into something like this, really I didn't. I mean, I KNOW that gender gaps are closing and that society condones certain behaviours now moreso than they used to, but still. So here is my issue. Should teens be allowed to have members of the opposite sex spend the night? Should they be allowed to have parties where the entire crew sleeps over? Used to, if a girl hung out with the "Guys" to that extent, she would get a bad reputation at school regardless of how innocent it may have been. Now-a-days, I'm finding out that some moms don't mind their daughters wanting to come hang out with my son and in fact think nothing of a girl who would like to spend the night??? My son says it's becoming the social norm and that these sorts of things are quite common now-a-days. So would you allow this sort of "Playdates?" How would you handle all of this? My kiddo says that the boys & girls just sleep in seperate rooms & everyone is fine with this. Wouldnt you feel responsible and find yourself posting guard in front of the girl's room? To begin with, my house is quite large by most standards, but doesn't have a seperate room for me to be able to set this up really! Would you feel silly doing this? Could it be pulled off successfully and without any damage to anyone's reputation? I feel like such a stodgy old mum! But, at the same time, I don't want anything encouraged or happening on MY watch! How would you handle this? Have you heard of this happening at your teen's school? I don't want to be stodgy & old fashioned, but at the same time I am worried! Little boys are little boys and little girls can be sharks! It can come from both sides just as easily and I don't know what to do! What is YOUR advice? i've stuck to my guns on this one & sad NO every time i've been asked (by the parent oddly enough & by the daughter-my son hasnt asked to do this which is the part i find a bit odd personally) but i did notice that there was a co-ed new years eve party that was a sleepover which is making me question & review the entire concept as a whole. i wouldnt want my daughter at one of these types of events personally & i dont think that when the day comes, i would allow my daughter to attend this sort of event, either. right now, though, the child in question is a 15yr old boy. i also had issues deciding whether or not to include this friend in my son's birthday party since it was a guy party, guy themed with very VERY guy type activities (airsoft guns at my haunt sort of thing but i knew it would run very late & planned to let the boys spend the night if the parents allowed it) I ended up letting the boys have a guy night/party on the grounds that although i dont feel that the kids in question would intentionally hurt each other, that reputations might come in to play to begin with and that we just didnt need the temptation or the risk on all sides really of anything happening at all. i want to let the guys be guys...& at the same time i want their female friendships to be healthy yet safe for both parties to just remain friends without worry! my poor daughter though...when the day comes for her, i dont know how i will handle it. will having 2 brothers the same age work in our favor or against it? i just dont know that one but i am still shocked that there are parents out there who think NOTHING of hosting these types of events i'm reluctant because, when my sister was 11, she was raped in her church basement during a church lock-in & it was arranged by a supposed friend of hers who liked to play social games (mental as well as lets see what all i can force situation-wise) i just dont think its a good idea to even provide the elements for temptation in this case- its not worth the risk- you dont know how much or far things could go & even something that some consider mild or normal for an age can be traumatic to some (ie first kiss even) i am not trying to live with my kids in a box, but oh my gosh i dont want to be a grandmother or even be responsible for something of that magnitude responsibility-wise(the wellbeing of someone else's child in such a situation) it makes my skin crawl!