Forgiveness

Posted by Vulnadia on Aug 10, 2009 at 11:16 AM A dear friend of mine posted this in reference to her life at the moment. When she entered the world of single mommiehood, her boys were 12,10 1/2 and 8 and now they are 27, 25 1/2 and 23. I've known her since I was 16 years old and watched her make the transition to single mom. I've watched how she met every challange with a smile and made the best from even the very worst of situations. We smiled together, the year we realized that our kids treated each other like family as we watched Bregon playing football with 2 of her boys in the lane in front of the Entertainment Building at TRF after closing cannon. I just wanted to share this with everyone who might find themselves in a similar predicament. You know, once a mom, always a mom! Posted with permission from my dear friend, Tina Crowder. Forgiveness Being a single mother is not an easy task. You discover quickly what your weaknesses are; laziness, selfishness, envy. You also fight ugly feelings like being depressed, feeling lonely or feeling incompetent. You rage against the machine, your ex, your family, even your friends who always back you up. I speak from experience, knowing my weaknesses and my feelings are precisely those here. I am guilty of it all. When a couple splits, and the mom takes on the kids, it’s because it’s expected. If I had done things differently, perhaps made their father share more of the responsibility of fatherhood, then maybe my boys would be more sensitive to the needs of the mothers of their children. If I had forced their father to pay support, perhaps they would have seen that he should have been more involved. Being docile and non-confrontational did not make me strong, it made me struggle...needlessly. I used to think that by being strong, working hard to provide, sacrificing alone time for theatre 101 and refusing to give in when we had nothing but the roof over our heads and leftovers from the restaurant I worked at (people envied our leftover crawfish tails and the miracles I could make happen in the kitchen) would be all the proof they needed. That those hard times would be remembered and vered away from at all costs. Perhaps I could have shouldered the guilt and name calling and snubbing I would have been subjected to for giving up my boys. I did anyway in the end… I gave them to their women. So, now, they begin the next step in their life journey. Two are married, one with a serious steady. Two have children, the third is not ready yet. All three work hard, say what they mean, band together. They hold on to each other knowing the precious commodity that is in brotherhood. Motherhood is not an easy job. It is life long. Some mothers just seem to effortlessly make the right choices, year after year. Their hair is never mussed, their homes are never cluttered, their children are never dirty. Some mothers never seem to get it right. They leave their children to their families to tend to, while they blindly destroy their bodies and minds with no remorse. And then there are the mothers that I know and love. The ones that scramble to make sure they have peanut butter and jelly to feed their friends kids when they come over. The ones that stand there with you and laugh as they hose off the kids that just came in from the ditch covered in mud. The ones that don’t get it right all the time, but continue to work on it to the 3rd or 4th time until they do. So to my grown young men who now have women in their lives who are already or will one day become mothers… I say this… Love them. Support them. Be more for them than I ever had while you were growing up. I gave you who I am. I showed you my methods. Don’t shrug your responsibilities. Do more for your kids than I was able to do for you. Do more for your families than your father chose. Remember all of your past so you don’t make the same mistakes. And experience for yourselves the same struggles I did. And perhaps, if we all see more than the surface, we can have the security and comfort of a relationship with mutual considerations, filled with love and compassion for each other. Then ask me. I’ll guide you. I won’t lie to you. And from now on, I won’t sugar coat the answers. I’ll be blunt and straight and sincere. That’s who I am… I will no longer compromise my own feelings for those who have yet to learn. I will no longer abide by deceit and mistrust. Nor will I allow the acid in my stomach to eat away at my heart. Tough love is as hard on the parent as it is on the child, no matter the age. With all that said, let it be known – I will be here when you need me. I am available at all times with an ear. All three of you. From my heart.