A Most Difficult Task

Posted by Vulnadia on Jul 12, 2009 at 07:35 PM Today I got the one call that I never ever wanted to receive with the most devestating news. Bregon's best friend is dead. He is the fatality in the First Baptist Church bus accident that occurred this morning. I don't know what to do. I really don't know how to do this, any of it. I'm bad with funerals to begin with, but for my child's best friend in the whole wide world? The most awful part, and what isn't being printed yet, is that there are more seriously injured children and we don't know who they are yet. I don't have any way of asking my friend who all was on that bus so that my child can know if his other friends were there, are going to be okay or not. I don't know what to say to my son, and I don't know what to say to my friend who just lost her eldest son, yet I had to call her this afternoon when I found out about the accident and ask. I feel horrible. I hadn't logged on to my computer for anything other than work all afternoon, so we were unaware of anything. My friend called about 6 to let me know what happened, but I couldn't answer because all of my kids were in various stages of crankiness before bedtime. I saw the headlines on the paper website as I minimized my work window and got the most sickening hole in my stomache. I quietly went to my bedroom and called her back with the most awful sense of dread, but I had to do it. I hate phones, I hate talking on the phone, but I had to do this for my friend and my son. I tried to do most of the talking for her and make it easier, but how can something of this magnitude EVER be made easy. We both broke down when she told me that she didn't know how to tell her other kids that their big brother is gone. I don't know what to tell her, I don't know how to do this. I didn't know how I was going to tell my son that his best friend in the whole wide world is gone forever. Somehow, I managed to get my babies all into bed and happy and appeased. I took a downstairs detour and procurred a fresh roll of toilet paper since I had already been through the piece I had stashed in my own pocket. What am I supposed to do? This is by far the most difficult, hardest thing I have ever had to do as a Mother. My husband and I sat him down together in the living room. He already knew something was up, but he had no idea that it was going to be like this, none at all. Whoever does, really? And I stood there, in the middle of my living room, sat him down in mother's recliner, gave him the roll of toilet paper, and just told him everything I knew at the time. We shared a lot of tears. He has a lot of questions. We still do not know how many of his other friends were on that same bus. I want to let him have his computer and show him how to read the updates, but at the same time, there are the evil trollers who are posting on the updates at the bottom. They say awful things, they are saying awful things, and I probably shouldn't have posted something, but I did. I posted to them asking them to stop and take it someplace else. I explained how horrible it is for everyone. I explained how there are still other very hurt children out there and we don't know who they are. If I am reading to find out, then aren't these other kids and their Mom's reading this too? My friend will probably read all of this at some point. I don't want our kids seeing the ugly things people write. One of the soldiers who stopped to help the children posted for us and let us know that they tried everything to help that they could and how it wasn't enough. It makes me feel better that he wasn't alone and that someone was there with him during all of this. I thanked that soldier in my post. I can't let my child read the post though. He is sad and upset enough without having to read the ugly things other people have said. There will be more comments and more awfulness to come. My child wants me to find out what happened and know that his friend wasn't alone. I know I can't shelter him forever from all of this. I know that eventually he will log on and figure it all out. Tomorrow, I am taking him to buy new clothes for the funeral, hoping that there will only be the one, but I can't be sure. I can't say that this will be the last and that he doesn't have other friends that are hurt. Together we will figure out what must be done and go through it all. I must help my friend through this, too. We were doing highschool together. Heck, we did everything together for the most part. We did piano recitals together, school dances, summer trips, Magnet testing and class choices, the boy's graduation party all together. We should be starting High School in the fall together, but now we can't. I don't know how to do this, but know that we have to keep going somehow. This is the most difficult task I have ever had to do as a Mother and I am not sure I am doing it the right way.