Reflections On People's Everyday Opinion Of The Octo-Mom

Posted by Vulnadia on Apr 28, 2009 at 11:30 PM I have been keeping up with this lady mostly for no other reason than I am asked my opinion and view on her situation almost constantly. Why, might you ask? It's because I have triplets and it is therefore assumed that I must have some noteworthy thing to say about the woman. Usually the person asking me the question is waiting patiently and with anticipation of a negative response, too. Well, to begin with, while yes I can, I do try not to hold all 4 of mine at once...the 4th is almost or is taller than I am, and is a growing boy...plus he's an eeeww yuck icky boy, and often times tends to smell like one!!!! Why do I write about my kids and include this woman in them and in my groups and postings? Well, yeah, I blog and write to show the world a different side of the fishbowl so to say. I started blogging and posting because there aren't any decent accounts of life with multiples to be had (sure twin books are a dime a dozen but anything past that is mostly dealing with...well...twins, and oftentimes are written by folks who had...one....at a time....if any at all which is even more ironic!!!!) There are some things people are afraid to share for whatever reason...or wont tell for fear of judgement. I figure somebody somewhere ought to own up to being able to do this...and should tell all...so I do...for what it's worth- arguement or not... I do post the octomom stuff because while she is an odd-man-out so to say...she is not alone and not the first of her kind, and will not be the last. She is the extrapolated version of me...a mother of multiples- yes she has more kids at once than I do and did it all at the same time, but ultimately, we are in the same situation- with the same issues. You have to remember, I have another child too, where she has children. We dont fit anywhere, we cost a hell of a lot of money to have our kids, get em out of the nicu in one piece, and get them to a walking talking able to take care of themselves state... it costs a fortune to dress em, feed em, diaper & entertain them (toys are a fact of life, for them & for us as moms.) People look at us and see us as freaks- whether you actually feel that way towards me or not, that is how we are looked at in many cases. There are many cases who dont mind, smile and get warm fuzzies when they see us out and about. But then there are people who have opinions. They have biases for whatever their reasons may be. Some think we are given everything for free because we were able to have more than one kid at the same time. Let me be the first one to tell you that it's no circus trick, it wasn't fun, it wasn't easy, and I can tell you it was a choice and that we all get the same one when we find out we are carying more than one child. We are encouraged to reduce the babies to one or 2, and we are all faced with the same decision. We all made our choices for whatever reason as it was ours to make. I know I was approached by several families wanting to adopt one, some or all of mine. Yes, someone dared ask me this at 33 weeks. I was set to deliver the following week- very brave people they were. I can tell you that it's no free ride in life for us, either. We have tough choices to make: do we share our lives with everyone and try and try and help others or do we fade away where nobody else can find us? As if some of us could fade away...it's not easy ...and you get recognized, even when you don't want to be! Especially when you're in a hurry, frustrated, or need to be doing something else! But in the end, I chose to share these stories, not to stir up trouble, but to show that we are every-mom. It doesn't matter if we did it all at once or over time or even how we managed to concieve our children. How we do what we do is important- maybe not to you, but to somebody out there. If we can share our experiences with everyone, then maybe someday a mom like us willfind the info useful, Even if our peers found us and our efforts preposterous. I mean, who cares if I can't go to the bathroom with my kids in their stroller while out & about...or if we don't even fit in the restroom even??? Well not without accidentally locking some poor woman in her stall....it's funny yes, but the underlying part is why dont we fit? Should we fit? Should something be done if we dont fit??? Are there enough out there like us to warrant change? Should our multiple strollers be mandated to be made smaller? How? Should Public bathrooms and access ramps be larger?? It's the whole should we be able to breastfeed in public story...but different....It's the same contraversy- What makes octomom really different from me or from the next set of multiples? Am I really any better or worse of a mother than she? What should I think, how should I feel? Some ladies look at me and say things like, "I'm sorry" or "Better you than me" or "I get tired just looking at you" and those are the nicer things said to us. You expect me to keep a smile on my face and be nice even when you're words make my kids sad or cry because they are old enough to know you don't like them even if they don't understand what it is you say or why. I found the tattoo story rather endearing, actually. We have a thread on the site somewhere about getting tattoos & sharing what we have and why. Many many of us have something that symbolizes or represents our children and our families. I found the idea that Octo-mum went out and had one done to be very, well...everyman of her. I found it quaint and mundane and somehow normal. I actually find it refreshing that she is just like everyone else in that respect. It makes her more of a person and more real even though we will probably never meet. Now ask me if I would exploit my life on national television or sell it to the highest bidder. I don't really know the answers and it would depend upon the conditions I suppose. I think all of us would in similar situations given the opportunity. who knows. But it all boils down to something and that is why I post. Underneath it all, we are all mommies. We are the same, but different- and I thought this story really showed this woman doing something that can be related to somehow. Maybe one day, some lonely, frustrated Mommie will find my accounts of my life with my kids and learn from it and it will help her out. Maybe I made you smile over the antics of my children when the my actual message is that multiples work together, they don't have to talk to get into trouble, and they must be cared for differently than their singleton counterparts. Do you somehow relate to me even though I may be nothing like your situation at home? I don't know the answer to that question, but being a mommie of multiples is like being a mommie of singletons. We are all mommies all trying to muddle through life and do the best we can for our kids and maybe, just maybe so is Octomom.